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Post by CELS on Jan 17, 2004 20:04:39 GMT -5
I've finished a concept that's been lurking in my mind for a while now. Unlike my other concept, this is just for a single story, and a rather short one at that. Here 'tis. + + + A shrine-keeper of the world Sistina in the Proteus subsector. One day, he finds his family slaughtered by scavengers, mutants and thieves who raid the wastelands. He finds his wife violated and his children tortured. His four sons. The shrine-keeper has always had a peaceful almost pacifistic philosophy of life, following the Jacob’s church’s beliefs that humans could and should avoid war between themselves. His beliefs are shattered, and he is left struggling with despair, but quickly decides to avenge his family. Collecting the powerful, sacred weapons of the shrine, he wanders out through the hostile wastelands of his world, marching through the desert, fighting against both the deadly environment and the voice in his head that threatens to kill his faith in humanity. He wanders for weeks in search of the mutants, all the while philosophizing over Mankind’s survival in the galaxy. His hate and sorrow forces him away from his earlier, peaceful philosophy, and teaches him the wisdom of the Emperor. He realizes that the Emperor was right, that all who threatened the safety of Man needed to be killed, slaughtered in their beds before they were allowed to rise. Aliens, traitors, mutants, criminals; all would be put under the knife, lest the beauty of Man disappear. Finally, the shrine-keeper finds the scavengers raiding another settlement, and exacts his revenge. It costs him his life, and the shrine-keeper dies with the last of the scavengers, having saved the settlement for now. + + + Yes, it's very typical, and I might change the end. Perhaps he dies without getting his revenge, but that'll need some thought, otherwise it won't be such a good story. The main point behind this story though, is to show just how people can be so cruel in 40k, with their penal legions, servitor-dom, common battlefield execution, etc. The only thing that Man loves in 40k, is himself, but he's still at war with himself. I realize that most people who play 40k are probably pro-death sentence, and perhaps not very horrified at the cruelty of 40k, but I still think it could be interesting. What do you say? Anything you find unrealistic, lame, boring, or perhaps pure genius?
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Post by Minister on Jan 18, 2004 5:02:29 GMT -5
"I realize that most people who play 40k are probably pro-death sentence..." I'm not. Although I am very much in favour of the way that 40K is run in this sense, as it makes for a good story.
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Post by randski on Jan 24, 2004 6:03:09 GMT -5
pro-death sentence? you have to have total confidence in the judical service for that. and i havn't so i'm not!btw i don't mind our hero dying(just as long as he gets them wrong do'ers ) ,the fact that he got 'em makes the story for me,justice has been done(but how does he know it's thems that done him wrong?) following thier tracks maybe?i think this is a good foundation/background for this man to excel as an inquisitor type person,quickly rising through the ranks fuele'd by his hatred for everything not human perhaps? what happens to the sacred weapons btw?
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Post by CELS on Jan 24, 2004 9:42:00 GMT -5
Alright, alright, I realize that not everyone is pro-death sentence, I'm just illustrating that most authors of 40k fiction take this kind of cruelty for granted, as if killing is the easiest and most plain thing in the world. Not a lot of people in 40k suffer from the trauma of having killed. Of course, one must note that the 40k universe is a very different place than today's earth, but still... To answer your questions, Jud.... How does he know that it's thtem that have done him wrong, and how does he find them? Well, I suppose he'd follow their tracks at first. I imagine he'd lose the tracks after some time, if they're faster than him. Perhaps he doesn't stop them from raiding another settlement. Perhaps when he finds them, they've already taken control of another settlement, and are just hanging around, eating, drinking and raping untill they've sucked the settlement dry, and are ready to move on. I'm afraid he won't live on in the ranks of the Inquisition or anything like that. There are two reasons for this. The first reason is that he dies from the wounds of the fight. The second reason is that he lives on a world which is so worthless that the Imperium has pretty much forgotten about it. That's why it was up to him to defend the Shrine. There is no Ecclessiarchy on this forsaken planet, and there is no Adeptus Arbites. What happens to the weapons? I have no idea. Maybe the priest of the settlement finds them, and takes them into his shrine. Maybe a filthy drunk finds them, and uses them for his own selfish goals. Maybe a young child finds them, and uses them for good. I don't know. The story ends with the death of our hero. If you want, you can write a story about what happens with the weapons
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Post by Sojourner on Jan 24, 2004 11:40:05 GMT -5
What you forget, CELS, is that in the feudal mindset that the Imperium is based upon, killing was that easy.
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Post by CELS on Jan 24, 2004 12:20:13 GMT -5
I'm NOT forgetting that. That's why I wrote " course, one must note that the 40k universe is a very different place than today's earth, but still..."
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Post by randski on Jan 24, 2004 13:56:49 GMT -5
;Dhmmmmmmmmmm no it's o'k i'll stick to doodl'ing and stuff.thanks anyway
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Post by zholud on Jan 24, 2004 15:07:57 GMT -5
Quick point on story ending - make opponent's family close in many aspects to murdered family of protagonist and his thought that it is just vicious circles of killing each other. Then he dies from a hand of mortally wounded adversary and something laughs in the warp.
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Post by CELS on Jan 24, 2004 20:50:43 GMT -5
Additional reply to Sojourner's post; Do you really think killing was as simple as it is illustrated in 40k fiction though? I can understand it for Assassins and Inquisitors, because they're trained killers and brought up to kill, and almost the same applies to people from feral and feudal worlds, I imagine, but remember that there are a lot of civilised worlds in the 40k universe that aren't that affected by war and misery. I'm not sure, really. I guess killing aliens and mutants comes pretty easy to most people in 40k, but killing humans...? I'm not sure. Zholud, forgive me, but I didn't quite understand what you meant. Did you suggest that our hero should realize that all this killing was just a vicious circle before he was killed by a mortally wounded enemy? I'm not sure if I want something laughing in the warp though... I want people feeling content that the hero dies, because that's what he would be.
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Post by zholud on Jan 25, 2004 2:57:20 GMT -5
Do you really think killing was as simple as it is illustrated in 40k fiction though? I guess that even in the middle ages killing wasn’t that commonplace, despite there were bursts of murdering, the most prominent I’m recalling now was Mongols in China, who decreased population of the latter by 50% (it was 25 (!) millions for 50 years). And 40k is much more ‘civilised’ in terms of ‘I kill you because I dislike you’. Zholud, forgive me, but I didn't quite understand what you meant. Did you suggest that our hero should realize that all this killing was just a vicious circle before he was killed by a mortally wounded enemy? OK, I forgave you ;D the idea is that hero comes to heretics village, sees it is similar to his, proceed to the house akin to his to kill the tainted, but thought the bloody mist he understands that he is the same monster in the eyes of opponent, doing exactly the same thing. While opponent has no time to think (he is dying after all) and kills the hero. Than camera on panoramic set, firing village and corpses. I'm not sure if I want something laughing in the warp though... I want people feeling content that the hero dies, because that's what he would be. This was meant to show that Chaos gods feed on violent emotions and are happy that one who gets the secret is incapable to spread it.
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Post by CELS on Jan 25, 2004 17:14:45 GMT -5
Ah, now I get your idea! But this would work much better for a feudal world such as Fenris, where you could have a clan under attack, and then a survivor attacking the enemy clan back, and thus becoming his enemy in the eyes of the people he's attacking. (Did you get that? ) I don't think it works very well for my story, because the shrine keeper isn't doing the same as they did to him. They attacked him and his family, without provocation, and had some fun doing it. Of course, it might be interesting to write the shrine keeper's revenge from the view of the present villagers. Like, one of the boys of the terrorized villagers, where raiders have taken control, one day spots a stranger wandering in the desert. He then watches in horror as the stranger ruthlessly slaughters each and every one of the raiders, before dying from his wounds. The boy then hops over to the stranger's dead body, notices that he is a priest, and then snatches the arcane weapons... Hmm... I don't know...
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Post by Destecado on Apr 23, 2004 13:53:42 GMT -5
It is an interesting story idea. You could include the whole fish out of water idea as well. From the sound of it, your main character has lived a pretty good life (up to this point). He has lived in a community where people help each other and share what they have within the community.
This might be his first exposure to the barbaric world that lies beyond the communities walls. You could show the story how he slowly grows accustumed to the life or if not, how it makes him feel ill inside. You could also have a point where he must steal from someone else to survive. Maybe he accidently kills the person and them must cope with his actions.
By the end of the story maybe he is actually praying for release. His high ideals about justice and revenge have been replaced with a better understanding of what could drive a man to commit such acts......
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Post by CELS on Apr 23, 2004 14:35:06 GMT -5
Cheers. Yeah, if I want to make it a longer story, I guess I could go in more detail and show him scavenging and stealing for survival. I'm still torned about the end though. I guess I won't decide before I write the story
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Post by Kage2020 on Apr 24, 2004 17:10:57 GMT -5
I'm wondering if it would be possible to have the character executed rather than killed? Just strikes me as a tad bit futile... i.e. innocent people are killed and, while he has done the Emperor's Will, he has also transgressed against His Domain. Death is the only recourse... or perhaps a penal legion...? To continually have to shed blood because, ultimately, the state could not offer a true defence against the depradations that it causes, and those that are driven to the edge of sanity should be wary... ...and therein, perhaps another little lesson. Just a thought... Kage
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