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Post by Dazo on Oct 16, 2004 10:28:50 GMT -5
PROCULUS 59, 44, 50 M2-V
PROCULUS ALPHA (Main world) C437529-8 Satellites:3 Y230329-8,(Eigr) Orbit: 8 Y100000-0,(P Alpha) Orbit: 40 YS00000-0, Orbit: 55
ASTEROID BELT : 5m/1000km N-0, M-80, C-20 0.5 AU
PROCULUS II (Opion) Gas Giant (Small) XB00000-0 Satellites:1 YR00000 Ring System Orbit:1 Opion is a cool green gas giant, its atmosphere a mix of methane and hydrogen. It has an icy core, overlayed by a sea of liquid nitrogen. It has no moons and only one set of thin dark rings.
PROCULUS III (Licydas) Gas Giant (Large) XC00000-0 Satellites:8 XR00000 Ring System Orbit:1 Y310000-0 (Ikel) Orbit:8 Y100000-0 Orbit:9 YS00000-0 Orbit:13 H502429-8 (Tarn) Orbit:35 H634429-8 (Zuni) Orbit:45 Y100000-0 Orbit:50 YS00000-0 Orbit:55 Licydas is the true giant of the system, a great ball of banded hydrogen and helium with a core of metal hydrogen. Storms of titanic proportions rage through its upper atmosphere. Clouds of water crystals and frozen ammonia colour the world with white, red and beige bands. Licydas has seven moons and one ring system. Only two of these moons are worthy of note, Zuni and Tarn, both are more like planets than moons, both have molten core’s and are rich in various ores and minerals. The two worlds were tagged early on as possible mining ventures, this has since come to pass. The pair now have reletively well esatablished mining colonies of around eight thousand individuals each.
PROCULUS IV (Boreal) Gas Giant (Small) XB00000-0 Satellites:2 XR00000 Ring System Orbit:2 Y200000-0 Orbit:55 Seen from afar, Boreal is a serene blue world with fluffy white clouds. Closer inspection reveals winds travelling over a thousand kilometers per hour, ripping across the upper atmosphere of the world. Boreal is mainly composed if ice, hydrogen and helium with clouds of methane crystals forming in the upper cloud deck. Boreal has one set of icy rings and one small moon containing trace amounts of radioactive deposits. They are to small, however, to warrant a mining expedition.
PROCULUS V (Zephyr) Gas Giant (Large) XC00000-0 Satellites:4 Y300000-0(Bane) Orbit:5 Y233000-0(Usael) Orbit:8 Y501000-0(Sarras) Orbit:35 Y401000-0(Uldra) Orbit:40 Zephyr is not as large as Licydus, but its atmospheric composition is similar and it also has a rocky core. Zephyr has four large moons that have great mining potential and great reserves of frozen water. Various corporations have plans to exploit these moons for mining purposes in the near future, though not until the asteroid belt has been fully surveyed.
PROCULUS VI (Megaera) F563000-0 The first of the outer planets is also first of the three outer worlds with thick stormy atmosphere's known as the 'Three Sisters'. Megaera is larger than Proculus, and with a denser atmosphere, though with far less water present. Most of these water reserves are locked up as permafrost beneath the ground or in the ice caps which cover both poles. Megaera us an icy cold desert world, with powerful winds whipping up great dust storms that can encompass the entire planet in a hazy yellow fuzz.
PROCULUS VII (Alecto) Y764000-0 SATELLITE DETAILS: Number: 2 Y102000-0, Orbit: 50 G100000-0, Orbit: 65 The largest planet in the system that’s not a gas giant, Alecto is a cold storm wracked worl with powerful winds driving ice crystals hard enough to strip the skin off a man in minutes. The liquid metal core and presence in the water comes from great tectonic activivity. The volcanoes spew out masses of heat and gases, causing great dry storms of yellow lightening to blaze about the mountain and surrounding region. It is also a rich world in terms of compounds and radioactives, and Explorators have already determined the most suitable place for a mining colony to be founded. Alecto has two small, pale rocky bodies which are of no interest to the Imperium.
PROCULUS VIII (Tisiphone) Y654000-0 The last of the Sisters, Tisiphones atmosphere is also charged by electrical storms. Though it isn’t as dense as the other two, the winds still howl at over five hundred kilometers per hour. These winds are responsible for a migrating dune sea of powdered ice crystals, a glittering feature which can be seen from orbit. It has a dark rocky surface and active volcanism, the latter providing green stains of life that bound the ice locked volcanos. The world is rich in ores and crystals and will be colonised for mining purposes.
PROCULUS IX (Khidre) Y461110-9 The smallest, driest and coldest of the outer worlds, Khidre's size is comparable to Proculus. Unusually for a world so small, it has a breathable atmosphere. Unlike the three sisters however, its atmosphere is calm. Being the outermost world, its only use to the local mining corporation at the moment is as a listening post. It may be colonised, and though its mining potential is limited, it would be useful as a refuelling station or storage depot for incoming transport ships.
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Post by Dazo on Oct 16, 2004 10:31:42 GMT -5
PROCULUS I C437529-8 Ba, Lo, 314 Im 55H Planet name: Proculus Alpha World class: Mining World Population: 30,000 Tech level: 9 (modified) Tithe Grade: Decuma Tertius Aestimare: G500
Orbital Distance: 0.2 AU Equatorial Diameter: 4400 miles Gravity: 0.55 terra Orbital Period: 49.82 standard days Length of Day: 23.15 Terran hours Atmosphere: Standard oxygen-nitrogen mix Surface Atmospheric Pressure: 0.3 atm Base Mean Surface Temperature: -17.932degrees C Hydrosphere: 69% liquid water Indigenous Life forms: Yes, Macroscopic Life Satellites: 3 Satellite 1: UWP: X230329-8, Orbit: 8 Satellite 2: UWP: X100000-0, Orbit: 40 Satellite 3: UWP: XS00000-0, Orbit: 55
Planet description Proculus is a desolate dull grey-white frozen rock, much of its surface is covered in ice sheets several miles thick, though the ice at the equator is relativly thin. It never gets warm enough for the ice to melt completely, however the temperature rise during its summer months does cause large lakes of melt water to form above the deeper ice through the day. These lakes re-freeze when the sun goes down. The ice is so thick that what lies beneath would be well protected from the harsh surface enviroment. It has already been established that there was life present once on Proculus, and the tidal effect of its moons is known to keep the oceans beneath the ice warm, so it was no great suprise when living bacterial samples were discovered in a coring sample. Further studies by company biologists have established the presence of a teeming macroscopic ecosystem, all supported by enormous bacteria colonies located under the ice.
It has a thin atmosphere of oxygen, nitrogen and carbon dioxide, too thin to sustain human life. Great winds to sweep across the planets equatorial regions, often reaching speeds of over two-hundred kilometers per hour. The low temperatures reduce the amount of turbulence and so the winds are able to reach very high speeds. The pristine surface, once clean and wind sculpted, is now scarred and buckled in places with the tell tale marks of heavy mining and ice extraction, this does not detract from the desolate beauty of Proculus however. The thin atmosphere lends a midnight blue tinge to the sky, while the reddish sun paints the ice with pastel pinks and reds, red ice glow and dark sky combine to create an indigo band near the horizon.
There is one city/mining complex called Natanya which is surrounded by black slag heaps and tailings, the by-product of ore smelting. The heat absorbed by the smelting waste during the day has begun to melt the permafrost, and reactivate dormant microbes, the fringes of the heap have begun to take on a greenish cast. The colony itself is a standard Cartel "unpack and stack", all parts prefabricated and marked ready for final assembly, it only took six months for the construction engineers to have the command hub, which included med bays, canteens, recreational establishments and security up and running. The habitation modules for the workers only required a further three months of work to be completed.
Moons: There are two moons, and one captured asteroid which orbits far out from Proculus. The smaller of the two moons, P Alpha, is one third the size of Proculus, it has a pale orange surface scarred by whitened meteorite craters. The largest moon, Eigr, is the fiery twin of Proculus. There are no significant water deposits, but many volcanoes mar its red and orange surface with great black streaks. The moon is two thirds the size of Proculus and numerous deposits of radioactive material have been found there. Eigr is now home to several thousand miners, and has proved to be a good source of non metallic elements such as carbon, which is used on Proculus in ore processing. The tidal effects of the moons twist and shatter the surface ice of Proculus creating vast fractures and great ridges on its surface, hot water volcanoes have also been seen to erupt from time to time.
Government The mining colony on Proculus is the property of the Leskus Mining corporation(L.M.C), a division of the ATC(Anexal Trade Cartel). The running of the colony is in the hands of the site overseer whose word is final. He is also the world's Imperial planetary commander. The overseer is selected by the Cartel from amongst the older managing directors, as experience is a more valuable commodity to the Cartels than untested youthful exuberance. Helping him are the various department managers who report the daily production figures, incidents and suggestions from the shop floor. Beneath them are the line foremen who ensure the productivity of their respective production lines. These men meet regularly to discuss the workings of the colony and to enact any required change in procedure.
The workers themselves are not excluded from this process but are encouraged to get involved and give their views on the running of the facility. This has the effect of increasing worker morale and self esteem, which makes for a more loyal work force. While many have questioned the employment practices of the company, it remains a fact that that is how they have always done it, and will continue to do, no matter what the competition might say.
Religion Religious practice is not dictated by the company, so the individual workers may practice the Imperial Creed in whatever manner they were accustomed to before they came to work for the corporation. It is the policy of the cartels to encourage workers to worship in private. Large unsanctioned religious gatherings are prohibited. Still, there are preachers and small chapels at their disposal should they require it, preaching a very generic version of the Imperial creed. The preachers are also there to make sure that the flock does not develop any unhealthy practices.
Society and law This is a mining facility run by the Corporation. The man in charge of Proculus Alpha is the Overseer and beneath him are the foremen. A security force is maintained to keep order, but as long as a person is not doing anything dangerous, or harming other people they are pretty much left alone by them. The possession of weapons is actually discouraged due to the dangers of explosive decompression, though its often the case that many miners do own some form of small arms. This is tolerated so long as they are not used against the security force or fellow workers, and only in the event of an attack. In order for the Company to make a profit from the system a well trained workforce and efficent extraction methods are required, also a high degree of self sufficiency. If resourses were constantly required to be shipped in the operation may start to lose money. So every 5 years when the miners contracts expire, all resources required for the colony are shipped in with the new work force. This drastically reduces the cost to the company of running the colony. As does shipping the new miners in and out on those very same transports, crammed into every spare nook and cranny. It is an unpleasent journey, but at least its free. With the increasing population of the Proculus system it has become necessary to stagger the contracts so that a managable number of people are brought in and leave at any ony time.
The Company also provides recreational activities for the workers in the form of bars, which supply not only alchohol but numerous types of narcotic, and brothels. Its the company who also own the few small retail outlets, which supply all manner of reasonably priced merchandise, from clothing to iio sticks.
Technology The technology used is fairly advanced, though all of it is supplied by the company. The colonists have a limited capacity to manufacture small items, mainly for repair of any damaged equipment. The means to build their own mining vehicles also exists. The power for the colony is supplied by fusion reactors housed in the very core of the colony, these were installed by the company.
Artificial gravity plates are also in operation in the vast majority of the habitat and processing zones due to the low gravity nature of the planet. This is especially vital in the hydroponic bays, which are required to subsidise the rations shipped in by the company. The grav plates are not perfect and only increase the native gravity by perhaps sixty percent, but it is enough to allow workers to get on with their jobs however and allow plants to grow normally.
Trade and tithes The main export of Proculus is processed metals, such as steel, titanium, and cadmium as well as many less valuable materials such as copper and nickel. Also heavy metals such as Iridium, Cobalt and Uranium are refined and produced. Ice is also mined, it is purified into drinking water both for the inhabitants and for off world sale. Oxygen and hydrogen are also extracted from the water to make rocket fuel. It is also refined into deuterium for use in fusion reactors.
Tithes for Proculus were originally set quite low by the Administratum, as it was only a small colony after all. What isn't claimed as tithes by the Imperium is sold to the highest bidder, which is more often than not the Imperium. The expansion of mining to other worlds has precipitated a rise in tithes, though they are still low enough for the company to skim a profit. Until such time as the Imperium raises its tithe level so high that it becomes unprofitable to mine Proculus, the company will continue to expand its ventures in the system. Physiology Mixed is the only term that can be applied on the general physiology of the colonists. The workforce will have whichever traits are prevalent on the world from which they came. Still, having a stable disposition is a familiar and sought after trait amongst those who choose a career in deep space mining.
language and dialect This again will depend on the world from which the individual came from, though a good grasp of low gothic is expected, for obvious reasons.
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Post by Dazo on Oct 16, 2004 10:32:25 GMT -5
Planetary defence force Proculus Alpha has a standing army of less than five hundred men, who form the external security force of the city Natanya. This acting PDF force is equipped only with portable small arms, most of which are lasguns of high quality. While there are a few automated external gun turrets, this PDF does not have any tanks, aerocraft or other supporting warmachines. Thanks however to the stability of the Meksum sub-sector warmachines are not deemed to be needed. The defence force answers to the site overseer, who is the only one who can authorise the use of deadly force in the event of a civil disturbance. Though these are very rare as the Anexal Cartels pay their employees well.
History The history of Proculus is relatively short and uneventful, the world was first detected in early M31. Initial scans performed in late M31 showed that the world of Proculus had fewer resources than other worlds nearby, not to mention that other colonised systems in the subsector had many mineral-rich moons. The world was classified as dead and all but forgotten by the Imperium. In early M36 however an Anexal cartel deep range surveyor was sent out to asses the planets worth as a future mining base. The results of this survey were slightly more interesting to the Cartels, they showed moderate to good mineral and ore deposits on several of the rocky planetoids that inhabited the system as well as frozen water. The decision was made to tag Proculus as a possible future mining colony for the company pending Administratum approval.
It was not until M37 however that this vision was realised. With the successful colonisation of Koralla, a extremely rich system, and the increased flow of wealth from that world, Proculus became a viable mining enterprise. The world became even more interesting with the arrival of the mining armada which included the factory ship the K’tiga and the deep core extraction ship, the Valiant Prince, the prides of the ATC. A more detailed geological scan was run upon their arrival and showed something quite unusual. This world had been classified dead, however the scans showed extensive hydrographic and terrain terraforming had occurred. Not only that but residual traces in the atmosphere showed some kind of greenhouse terraforming had also occurred. This was interesting and unusual but it would remain a mystery as to what or who had tampered with this world, It was mining expedition after all not a research one.
In late M38 something was discovered that changed this, during routine ice extraction the miners discovered a structure of unfamiliar design buried under a km of ice. They were immediately ordered away from it, and an astropathic message sent to company headquarters informing them of this discovery. The message sent back was to relocate mining operations and seal off the area until further notice. The Miners of Proculus had no idea what they were being moved for and never did. The five year contracts meant that with the first worker change, the move was forgotten. In late M39 workers discovered something beneath the ice. It is still unknown to the inhabitants of Proculus what was buried there but 3 weeks after its discovery in M39 an Adeptus Mechanicus vessel dropped out of warp with a research team aboard. The overseer was given instructions from a company official saying that he was to provide the team with whatever resources they required while they were there. The Mechanicus landed their own research module near the site and have been there since. They are rarely seen, and what ever resources they require in terms of food, liquids and fuels are delivered by members of the security force, even then they are met half way. A cordon of 100 sq miles has been set up around the research station with no unauthorised personnel allowed beyond.
The colony has continued to expand it began at 8000 in M37, it now numbers 63,000 inhabitants system wide in M40, and continues to be a reliable source of raw materials for the A.T.C. It is also increasingly obvious to the population of Proculus though that something was found by the research team, as they are still there. The Mechanicus research team discovered an ancient Scientific reseach base dating back to the dark age of technology. It turns out that Proculus was one of the many worlds designed by Bio adepts during that glorious age when mankind bestrode the galaxy like a collossus. The world had been altered to allow a rich atmosphere to form, possibly with the aid of massive gravity generators, which kept the surface warm enough to support a teeming eco system, and titanic radiation screens protected the surface from cosmic rays. It was during the age of strife, as with many of mankinds endeavours, the system began to fail, the gravity generators stopped working, and the hard won atmosphere was lost to the void, this radically lowered temperature's killing off the land based life. And without the radiation screens the planet was slowly sterilised by solar radiation.
All this was discovered when the research team reactivated the frost coated cogitators in the base. The gravity generators and radiation screens have yet to be found. There is also the hope that burns within all servants of the machine that there may also be a lost STC waiting to be uncovered along with these other technologies. This was also what Cartel scientists discovered before they re buried the site. In M41 workers on Proculus were given a day off so that new grav plating could be tested. When activated it was found that they could now achieve terran standard gravity, this more normalised enviroment has increased the output of the colony. Correspondingly tithes were raised the next year.
Date of preparation: 220 M41 World UWP: M2 V C437529-8 Diameter: 4400 miles Density: 1.1 Mass: 0.138 Gravity: 0.55 Primary Mass (Star): 0.43 Orbit number (Planet): 0.2 AU Orbital period (Planet): 49.82 days Rotation period: 23.15 hours Axial Tilt: 49 degree’s Orbital Eccentricity: 0.005 Seismic Stress Factor: 0.15 Asteroid Belt Zones: 1 Primary Mass (Planet): 0.138 Atmospheric composition: Standard Oxygen/Nitrogen mix (Very thin) Surface pressure: 0.3 atm Stellar luminosity: 0.39 Orbit factor: 836.345 Energy absorption: 0.728 Greenhouse effect: 1.0 Base temperature: -17.932 Orbital eccentricity modifier: Tc=0.15 degrees C Tf =0.15 degrees C Latitude temperature effects: +15, +10, +5, 0, -5, -10, -15, -20, -25, -30, -35 Axial tilt effects: +24.6 degrees, -41 degrees Daytime plus: +0.312 degrees Nighttime minus: -8 degrees Native life: yes, Macroscopic life under the Ice Atmospheric terraforming: No Greenhouse effect terraforming: Yes Albedo terraforming: No Temperature terraforming: No Hydrographic percent: 69% Hydrosphere composition: Liquid water Number of tectonic plates: 5 Hydrosphere terraforming: Yes Terrain terraforming: Yes Number of major continents: 4 Number of minor continents: 12 Number of large islands: 9 Number of small islands: Number of archipelagos: 6 Notable volcanoes: 0 Weather control: No Natural resources: Ores, crystals, radioactives, compounds Processed resources: metals, non metals Manufactured goods: Machine parts Information: Total population: 30,000 Local customs: Minimal quarters for all Primary cities: Natanya mining colony Population:30,000 Secondary cities: Mechanicus research base population:200 Tertiary cities: Progressiveness: Aggressiveness: Extensiveness: Representative authority: company/corporation World government description: Other authority:
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Post by CELS on Oct 16, 2004 13:42:30 GMT -5
Still a lot of grammatical errors and such. I really think you should insert my following suggestions. They're not great, but at least they're somewhat correct Of course, feel free to question my changes. "Opion is a cool green gas giant, its atmosphere a mix of methane and hydrogen. It has an icy core, overlayed by a sea of liquid nitrogen. It has no moons and only one set of thin dark rings." "Licydas is the true giant of the system, a great ball of banded hydrogen and helium with a core of metal hydrogen. Storms of titanic proportions rage through its upper atmosphere. Clouds of water crystals and frozen ammonia colour the world with white, red and beige bands. Licydas has seven moons and one ring system. Only two of these moons are worthy of note, Zuni and Tarn, both are more like planets than moons, both have molten core’s and are rich in various ores and minerals. The two worlds were tagged early on as possible mining ventures, this has since come to pass. The pair now have reletively well esatablished mining colonies of around eight thousand individuals each." "Seen from afar, Boreal is a serene blue world with fluffy white clouds. Closer inspection reveals winds travelling over a thousand kilometers per hour, ripping across the upper atmosphere of the world. Boreal is mainly composed if ice, hydrogen and helium with clouds of methane crystals forming in the upper cloud deck. Boreal has one set of icy rings and one small moon containing trace amounts of radioactive deposits. They are to small, however, to warrant a mining expedition." "Zephyr is not as large as Licydus, but its atmospheric composition is similar and it also has a rocky core. Zephyr has four large moons that have great mining potential and great reserves of frozen water. Various corporations have plans to exploit these moons for mining purposes in the near future, though not until the asteroid belt has been fully surveyed." "The first of the outer planets is also first of the three outer worlds with thick stormy atmosphere's known as the 'Three Sisters'. Megaera is larger than Proculus, and with a denser atmosphere, though with far less water present. Most of these water reserves are locked up as permafrost beneath the ground or in the ice caps which cover both poles. Megaera us an icy cold desert world, with powerful winds whipping up great dust storms that can encompass the entire planet in a hazy yellow fuzz." "The largest planet in the system that’s not a gas giant, Alecto is a cold storm wracked worl with powerful winds driving ice crystals hard enough to strip the skin off a man in minutes. The liquid metal core and presence in the water comes from great tectonic activivity. The volcanoes spew out masses of heat and gases, causing great dry storms of yellow lightening to blaze about the mountain and surrounding region. It is also a rich world in terms of compounds and radioactives, and Explorators have already determined the most suitable place for a mining colony to be founded. Alecto has two small, pale rocky bodies which are of no interest to the Imperium." "The last of the Sisters, Tisiphones atmosphere is also charged by electrical storms. Though it isn’t as dense as the other two, the winds still howl at over five hundred kilometers per hour. These winds are responsible for a migrating dune sea of powdered ice crystals, a glittering feature which can be seen from orbit. It has a dark rocky surface and active volcanism, the latter providing green stains of life that bound the ice locked volcanos. The world is rich in ores and crystals and will be colonised for mining purposes." "The smallest, driest and coldest of the outer worlds, Khidre's size is comparable to Proculus. Unusually for a world so small, it has a breathable atmosphere. Unlike the three sisters however, its atmosphere is calm. Being the outermost world, its only use to the local mining corporation at the moment is as a listening post. It may be colonised, and though its mining potential is limited, it would be useful as a refuelling station or storage depot for incoming transport ships. "It has a thin atmosphere of oxygen, nitrogen and carbon dioxide, too thin to sustain human life. Great winds to sweep across the planets equatorial regions, often reaching speeds of over two-hundred kilometers per hour. The low temperatures reduce the amount of turbulence and so the winds are able to reach very high speeds." "The largest moon, Eigr, is the fiery twin of Proculus. There are no significant water deposits, but many volcanoes mar its red and orange surface with great black streaks. The moon is two thirds the size of Proculus and numerous deposits of radioactive material have been found there." "The running of the colony is in the hands of the site overseer whose word is final. He is also the world's Imperial planetary commander. The overseer is selected by the Cartel from amongst the older managing directors, as experience is a more valuable commodity to the Cartels than untested youthful exuberance." "Religious practice is not dictated by the company, so the individual workers may practice the Imperial Creed in whatever manner they were accustomed to before they came to work for the corporation. It is the policy of the cartels to encourage workers to worship in private. Large unsanctioned religious gatherings are prohibited. Still, there are preachers and small chapels at their disposal should they require it, preaching a very generic version of the Imperial creed." "The man in charge of Proculus Alpha is the Overseer and beneath him are the foremen. A security force is maintained to keep order, but as long as a person is not doing anything dangerous, or harming other people they are pretty much left alone by this." "This drastically reduces the cost to the company of running the colony. As does shipping the new miners in and out on those very same transports, crammed into every spare nook and cranny. It is an unpleasent journey, but at least its free." "The grav plates are not perfect and only increase the native gravity by perhaps sixty percent, but it is enough to allow workers to get on with their jobs however and allow plants to grow normally." "Tithes for Proculus were originally set quite low by the Administratum, as it was only a small colony after all. What isn't claimed as tithes by the Imperium is sold to the highest bidder, which is more often than not the Imperium. The expansion of mining to other worlds has precipitated a rise in tithes, though they are still low enough for the company to skim a profit. Until such time as the Imperium raises its tithe level so high that it becomes unprofitable to mine Proculus, the company will continue to expand its ventures in the system." "Mixed is the only term that can be applied on the general physiology of the colonists. The workforce will have whichever traits are prevalent on the world from which they came. Still, having a stable disposition is a familiar and sought after trait amongst those who choose a career in deep space mining." Lessons for today; 1- It is usually not good to write numbers in text, such as "1000 citizens". It is also considered 'bad' to use abbrevations, such as "a thousand mph". So when you write "1000 mph", you've really done it (Dates are an obvious exception to this rule.) 2- Powerful, not powerfull 3- You don't typically use an apostrophe to indicate plurals. For example, it is 'volcanos' (or alternatively, 'volcanoes'), and not 'volcano's', and 'atmospheres', not 'atmosphere's'. 4- We typically use the metric system in the ASP. It's no biggie, but I've made changes accordingly none the less. Other comments... [/li][li] Fix the damned paragraphs, please It's really not that difficult. [/li][li]Like Kage has said, we need to know if there is life beneath the ice, so don't be so mysterious [/li][li] With such a tiny population, how can the surface of this large planet be relatively scarred? And why does it have such a tiny population? Isn't the mining business profitable enough to support a bigger operation? Surely the LMC can afford it, being a huge interstellar corporation, and they've been here many millennia. [/li][li] It strikes me that you haven't answered Kage's questions in this new edition. For example, it would be appropriate to mention who runs bars, motels, shops, repairs, off-world supplies, who sets prices on the market, etc. And as another example, you said you'd change the zero-g prisons [/li][li] Perhaps sixty percent? Are you not certain? Could you find out? [/li][li] Heathen Prince... a rather controversial name in a place such as the Imperium. It would be like Exxon naming a ship 'The Pedophile Rapist Leader' So, please fix the grammatical stuff and consider the other comments above. When you've done this - and I ask you to be thorough, so I don't have to do your work for you - just post the entire thing in a thread labelled SR: Proculus Alpha. Oh, and you also need some sort of approval from zholud first. I'll probably still need to make some changes after you've posted it, but please fix the grammar, sentence structure and parapgraphs as well you can, so I don't have to spend a lot of time going over it, and then someone else with a better grasp of English has to go over my work to see if I've made any mistakes That said, it's shaping up to be an interesting planet. Keep up the good work.
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Post by Dazo on Oct 17, 2004 7:37:46 GMT -5
The next version you see will have all the suggestions you made included, thank you for taking the time to suggest them CELS, just give me a couple of days and it'll be done Thanks again. Edit; I have made it definate that there is life under the ice, but only by saying bacterial samples had been found, will that do? Well the population is growing, but it can only grow if profits grow, so... besides every one is a worker, and you can do quite alot with 28000 workers. The reason it would be scarred is easy, look at todays strip mines, not many people work there but they shift a hell of lot stuff, its all to do with the machines, super sized diggers, blasting, refinery waste, tailings(stuff your left with after removing the metal from the rock), soot. very messy. Also don't forget Proculus is not the only mining operation in the system, the company is mining other worlds and moons as well as the mainworld Hmm I thought I had, the company runs all those things, its like a package working holiday, except you work all the time, though out of what you asked about only the bars, brothels and independant traders are managed by the company. There are no motels or big shops Yep, removed that A touch strong don't you think, anyway I changed it to the Valiant Prince instead I'll do my best, but grammar isnt one of my strong points, I've tried to sort the paragraph thing out but I'm not sure if i'm doing what your asking
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Post by CELS on Oct 17, 2004 11:16:12 GMT -5
The next version you see will have all the suggestions you made included, thank you for taking the time to suggest them CELS, just give me a couple of days and it'll be done Thanks again. Just doing my job Glad you're not letting the hail of criticism get you down As long as there are just bacteria under the ice, it's enough. If you have plans of squigs, fish and even monsters or proto-intelligent creatures, you'll need to mention it. And keep in mind the UWP life values. So a low population suggests that the tithes are so high that the corporation can't really afford to expand. I really think you should explain why the population is so low after several millennia. When you've got a whole world at your disposal, you can do a helluvalot more with a million workers True enough. And they have been here for four thousand years, IIRC. Begging your pardon... how is that relevant? Yeah, you answered Kage's post, but I saw no mention of these things (bars, restaurants, etc) in the SR. Maybe I missed it. Just trying to illustrate I don't know how to explain it to you, except by giving you the same example as before. Your text is now like this...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAA AAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIt should be more like thisAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAIn other words, try to make longer, compact paragraphs, and seperate paragraphs with an empty line
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Post by Dazo on Oct 17, 2004 12:55:19 GMT -5
I really don't mind critiscism, so long as its helpful, which yours invariably is. Well, I wanted it quite small, it seemed cooler that way, its like an oilrig, I want it to have a rather bleak and lonely feel to it, so millions of people would kinda throw that. I have no objections to maybe adding another 10000. Also these are professionals, with top spec mining equipment so they can easily manage. what are you basing you ideals on, mining as we do it now or mining in the 41st millenium. And would there really need to be millions, if they've achieved a good balance between tithes and profit why rock the boat I'll concede that point, but that would mean much greater input in terms of resources and supplies, as I said above, if the end result turns a profit, even though they are mining the world very slowly then why upgrade, you would be mining more but you would also be paying higher tithes. I think its UWP is 5, so thats small marine creatures, maybe they could mine the ice for them for food, this would again reduce the amount of food supplies having to be shipped in from of world Well you said the company didn't have many workers there, but they also have people there mining other worlds, so the overall population of the colonies will be rising, as more people are brought in to mine the other planets No you didn't, I have updated it now Ah I think i've got it now, right i'll see what I can do
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Post by Dazo on Oct 19, 2004 9:57:48 GMT -5
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Post by Kage2020 on Oct 19, 2004 11:28:10 GMT -5
Meltchett: "My, it's a barren, featureless wasteland out there, Darling." Captain Darling: "That's the back of the map, sir." Sorry... just seemed appropriate for some reason!
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Post by Dazo on Oct 19, 2004 15:21:10 GMT -5
Its covered by Ice, what do you want day glow orange
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Post by CELS on Oct 20, 2004 7:01:56 GMT -5
LMAO! With that said, let's see that thread called 'SR: Proculus Alpha' ASAP
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Post by Dazo on Oct 29, 2004 9:15:45 GMT -5
HELLOOOO is there anyone out there, do not make me move this to another sub sector, cos I could, just like that, move to another sub sector, oh yes, everything, all gone, just like that, Hey CELS would you like some more worlds for.....
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Post by CELS on Nov 7, 2004 15:12:27 GMT -5
NOTE: The following post is by Zholud, but I moved it here because we don't want any actual discussion in the thread called SR: Proculus Alpha. The reason for that, of course, is that I prefer just being able to move that thread to the archives when the SR is finished. So if anyone has any questions about Proculus Alpha, post them here, and not in the thread called SR: Proculus Alpha. Thank you Generally rings are still technically moons. Plus small giants (oxymoron) are usually have not enough pressure to get icy core, I suppose. The pair now have reletively well esatablished mining colonies of around eight thousand individuals each. Should be The pair now have relatively well established mining colonies of around eight thousand individuals each. there are some more errors, look up in MS World or better proof-read. The first of the outer planets is also first of the three outer worlds with thick stormy atmosphere's known as the 'Three Sisters'. Generally they have to be more like Pluto (planet), I guess – too far from sun. This mean no or almost no atmosphere. The smallest, driest and coldest of the outer worlds, Khidre's size is comparable to Proculus. Unusually for a world so small, it has a breathable atmosphere. Same point – temperature is close to zero, oxygen is not even liquid but solid… hard to breathe. It is said that icy comets and other small enough to transport bodies are better suited for transportation – you don’t need to raise them from planet and lose energy doing so. On mineral mining and processing – I guess you should add more and maybe introduce some Warhammer ‘metals’ – adamantium, etc. ReligionReligious practice is not dictated by the company, Add here something more, like local saints/martyrs, quirk of local cults… I encourage you to look up my old ideas on that. Society and lawThis is tolerated so long as they are not used against the security force or fellow workers, and only in the event of an attack. Add on any attacks in the planet history. Or don’t wait for attack if it has not happened and drop weapons… The Company also provides recreational activities for the workers in the form of bars, which supply not only alchohol but numerous types of narcotic, and brothels. Its the company who also own the few small retail outlets, which supply all manner of reasonably priced merchandise, from clothing to iio sticks. Reasonably priced? When workers have no way to compare between different prices they can be easily forced to pay through the nose… oh how that expression sounds… I don’t believe in too ‘white and furry’ corporation. See – it monopolise both supply and travels (i.e. exit), does not allow (why?) private shops and bars. Artificial gravity plates are also in operation in the vast majority of the habitat and processing zones due to the low gravity nature of the planet. Aren’t they costly? More later.
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Post by Dazo on Nov 8, 2004 4:17:25 GMT -5
I'm replying to your post here zholud as I don't want to clutter up the SR post Erm that was copied from CELS I think, but I shall change them Yes they would. Large giants have very hot cores because of the high pressures, and often have metalic gas cores. Where as the smaller giants tend to form from a solid core, the large giants eat up most of the gas so theres not much left for them, and the core of a small giant will be made up of the icy debrise you find in the outer solar system. I would expect the core to be surrounded by oceans of frozen methane and ammonia also. Well thats only based on our solar system, but I think it is possible, remember pressure as well as temperature would be needed to freeze and condense gas Same as above, but I'm not imovable, if you would like that changed its no problem. The three sisters however are not for turning. I want them left alone, the outer planet will be changed but not those three. I could always shuffle the planets orbits around a little but I would be reluctant. True but you wouldn't want to build fuel refineries on a comet, the don't just mine the ice to melt it for drinking water, the make rocket fuel and deutirium out of it as well I would only add adamantium if the UWP resource value was C or D, but I know plenty of other interesting stuff they could be mining so i'll do that But thats the point, the Cartels are not religiuos, they have no martyrs or saints, they do allow people to practice their own faiths though and pay lip service to the eccliesiarchy, but this is a working world, so their efforts are geared towards mining not religion. You ideas might well find a place on another world i'm working on though so your not being ignored Your hell bent on taking away my guns aren't you Not really, the people who build the colony also build them, and the ships they use to transport stuff, and the mining machinery and everything else. Its like saying in the middle of winter clothes are costly, they might be expensive but you will need them if you want to go outside. So I don't look at it and say "no too expensive" but rather "if this is going to work I need them" Oh you are so cynical , the company is not spotless, thye are by imperial standards very naughty and possibly even subversive, but untill I get round to doing Anexus your just going to have to trust me Private shops? what independant merchant would actually be able to afford to move out there. The cartels franchise everything, if you want to operate in their installations you work for them or not at all
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Post by Zholud on Nov 9, 2004 13:15:00 GMT -5
I'm replying to your post here zholud as I don't want to clutter up the SR post Ok, that’s the right way to do things. Yes they would. Large giants have very hot cores because of the high pressures, and often have metalic gas cores. Where as the smaller giants tend to form from a solid core, As I said it depends on temperature and pressure on gas giant in question… so, ok, let it be. Well thats only based on our solar system, but I think it is possible, remember pressure as well as temperature would be needed to freeze and condense gas In Traveller system the only way to get initial heat is from sun or large gas giant. If you have mainworld covered with ice, all other worlds further away from the sun are even colder. And this affects atmosphere, because gases become fluids. So, no problem with 3 sisters, they are fine and will stay. However they will be way colder with all problems and advantages associated with it. True but you wouldn't want to build fuel refineries on a comet, the don't just mine the ice to melt it for drinking water, the make rocket fuel and deutirium out of it as well I speak about export, not minor domestic use. I would only add adamantium if the UWP resource value was C or D, but I know plenty of other interesting stuff they could be mining so i'll do that I only wanted to move from generic to 40k-verse specific stuff. But thats the point, the Cartels are not religiuos, they have no martyrs or saints, they do allow people to practice their own faiths though and pay lip service to the eccliesiarchy, but this is a working world, so their efforts are geared towards mining not religion. Oh man, recall – it is dark future. People are afraid of demons, who hungers for one’s soul. I understand that your planet is secular but I ask for more flavour… Your hell bent on taking away my guns aren't you I only ask for background for holding them. Especially if cultures constantly change there. I doubt that any ship allows ‘civils’ with guns on board – do they buy them when they come? Why Cartel sells guns? It ups crime, thus drops profits. Private shops? what independant merchant would actually be able to afford to move out there. The worker after his contract expires may stay here, while free trader, who hunts for cheap metal may trade with that guy. Who in turn exchanges goods for metal from miners…
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