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Kolkhoz
Nov 11, 2004 16:33:47 GMT -5
Post by Tynesh on Nov 11, 2004 16:33:47 GMT -5
Okay see the problem with Seleca.
The Cruciatine Invasion by Waaagh! Tuskragga occurred in M36, with a spill over of 'small' ork fleets that crashed into the Massillian Sub-sector.
I agree, we need something to have happened in the intervening millennia since the original invasion. I am currently in favour of 'inventing maybe three more invasions of the sub, in late M38,mid M39 and late M40. These were not as devastating as Waaagh! Tuskragga, but still laid at least 1 world to waste. Massil withstood the brunt of two of these, the resolute population holding the tide at bay. One of them could have swept in from a different direction, hitting Kolholz and another world (probably the world currently known as Saylonia)
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Kolkhoz
Nov 12, 2004 3:29:50 GMT -5
Post by Dazo on Nov 12, 2004 3:29:50 GMT -5
I was going to use saylonia, but someone else wanted it. I suppose I can rename the Seleca III system more easily. Its now called Ryganon Delta, the system not the planet Now you see to me it reads fine, and I have read through several times, is this just an issue of taste, that my writing style is not professional, if that is the case someone other than me is going to have to go through the finished thing, because most of what people say is incorrect I simply can't see. I don't know, tynesh said that, and what is the capitol world of this sub, massil or parcellum, and why isn't it a planet called castellan, every other sub sector has been named for its capitol world I did ask for ideas on where to go from there, all that came from the few suggestions tynesh made, so I was hoping to get a few more. Well it can't be that bad then That would mean a re-write, i'm not to happy about that idea, and how small is small by the way, was this just a couple of ork ships, another one in M38 could have destroyed Seleca and attacked saylonia, so those refugees came later to Kolkhoz, but I would rather keep the idea that kolkhoz was hit in the first wave of attacks So what was it called, and why is the sub sector now called castellan this is bloody confusing
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Post by Tynesh on Dec 4, 2004 5:37:25 GMT -5
Okay here are a few comments etc, posted here as you requested. Move this to the nest paragraph. Try to avoid words like bristling, maybe something like - "Kolkhoz has a large network of planetary defences, in orbit and on the surface" Have you worked out how long the wall would be?? I am guess it may be 10,000 miles +. Would it not be more sensible to just wall the cities off and their surrounding land? Extra lengths of wall need to be patrolled, and what is the purpose? Stopping the orks running up and jumping in the sea? Nice Touch! Similar design for fortifications after the invasion is a good idea! Not too keen on this. What sort of weapons? How far can they fire? This is a continent several thousand miles across, a better idea would be to have these at the cities, not just along the wall. Ouch! "Are more content with their lives" Not sure how feasible and/or ethically just this may be considered even in the Imperium. Maybe have citizens militia, something I am developing on Massil. People don't have guns, but are trained to use them in an attack. I thought your world was harsh and a grim place to work. People wont toil in the fields if a fusion powered combine can do it. 40k life is tough. Keep the fusion etc Call them plasma generators. Drop the tech is clean sentence. Pollution on coast will have little effect on interior farms, unless you have lots of coal burning factories which you don't. The population are of stocky build, and quite capable of taking their own in a fight. This has suited them to being hard workers and determined soldiers. This sounds better. And is IMHO more accurate, it is your lifestyle more than you genes which determines 'excellent muscle tone and stamina'. After all there will still be many people from the planet who work behind a desk! This is more to do with the outlook of the collective population, rather than mental conditions. Are courageous, unified, divided, zealous, dutiful, wise etc Does the planet all work toward one goal, what it their opinion of offworlders? Okay enough for now!
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Post by Dazo on Dec 4, 2004 6:19:39 GMT -5
Ok I thought about it, but the scale of it was so vast my mind shut down and I awoke in a puddle of drool It would be a pretty cool image though, it might behove the sub sector to be defined by such massive feats of engineering. What do you think Its funny but I was watching judge dredd last night and that very tought occured to me, the cities of Kolkhoz are not small so any wall I built would be massive anyway. In part yes but also to pen them in, make it easier to kill them. The sort of weapons that can implement a policy of scorcher earth, so defense lasers and plasma cannons, also macro cannons with napalm shells. The idea is to wall any ork force into the interior of the continent and burn it all(imagine my voice going all grim and dark as I say that last bit ) As to how far, well only as far as they can, the orbital platforms would do the rest. Thats what I meant There are alot of feilds to toil in, then their are mines to work down, seas to fish. The methods might be advanced but they are still hard work. Its also how long they work and that they have very little time off, a few one day holidays through out the year is all they get. Ok Yes but it will effect the largest food base on the planet, the oceans, remember if production falls while your governor you die, so having clean industry protects the enviroment, maybe we should implement that policy on earth. Is that to replace the first sentence in the bit you quoted. Ok So depressed and homocidal would be what I should have written then Yes. And freindly, if the offworlders are freindly
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Post by Sikkukkut on Dec 4, 2004 6:50:44 GMT -5
Try to avoid words like bristling, maybe something like - "Kolkhoz has a large network of planetary defences, in orbit and on the surface" Why the change? "Bristling" is a nice colourful term, providing it's not over-used.
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Post by Tynesh on Dec 4, 2004 7:03:09 GMT -5
It doesn't seem very hard/deathy/nast/evil to me, it is a much more positive term IMHO. Kind of like a Christmas Tree that came, bristling with decorations!
Anyhow, each to their own!
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Post by Sikkukkut on Dec 4, 2004 7:14:41 GMT -5
It doesn't seem very hard/deathy/nast/evil to me, it is a much more positive term IMHO. Kind of like a Christmas Tree that came, bristling with decorations! Anyhow, each to their own! It's a not unusual term for this kind of thing, though - you often see references in both fiction and non-fiction to something bristling with guns or what have you. It's also the term for when an animal raises its fur in aggression, and if you describe a person as "bristling" you're describing someone who's palpably furious. No biggie though
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Post by TheGlyphstone on Dec 4, 2004 8:51:55 GMT -5
question, Dazo, what program did you use to make that picture of Kolkhoz in the SR? That looks really neat.
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Post by Dazo on Dec 4, 2004 9:12:47 GMT -5
I prefere bristling, for me it means angry, or like a hedgehog or porcupine bristles with spines, and as for christmas trees I would say they were covered with decorations, if it was bristling with decoration I would asume its about to go off and get violent with other christmas trees. But you two are the mods so what do want it to be. I've sent you a PM about that glyph
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Kolkhoz
Dec 6, 2004 18:08:24 GMT -5
Post by TheGlyphstone on Dec 6, 2004 18:08:24 GMT -5
got it. That'll be a lot of work, I'll tackle drawing Karnak when I start working on the planet itself.
Personally, I like the adjective "bristling", it brings more of a porcupine image than a Christmas tree.
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Kolkhoz
Dec 16, 2004 8:39:29 GMT -5
Post by CELS on Dec 16, 2004 8:39:29 GMT -5
Ok, I've had another read in the SR: Kolkhoz thread, and here are some comments. Overall, this is good work, and what remains now is mostly details. Hope to see it finished soon 1) Format. The SR should be formatted like the other SRs in the archive. See how other planets in the system are included in other SRs 2) This SR requires a some knowledge of the Anargo sector to read. I think it would be a good idea to include a descripion of Anexus and to explain briefly why the world is "unsurprisingly" heavily defended. 3) The description of the government is very short. It sounds like the government is a one-man show. Yes, the Lord Marshal is the supreme ruler of Kolkhoz, but how does he govern the world? Does he write and approve all the laws himself, for example, or is there a parliament or something to help him with this? Are there no democratic processes on this world? 4) Is this a planet of alcoholics? Does everyone go to the club drinking six nights a week? Both men and women, both poor and rich? 5) "The justice system while being harsh is also fair and diligent in its prosecution of a crime, meaning if you are innocent, you will be found innocent" I still have a problem with this sentece 6) I can see why military technology and power plants have to be as advanced as possible, but what about other technology? Communication, entertainment, medicine, transportation...? 7) Is the food processed on Kolkhoz, or shipped raw to other systems? I mean, do the star ships carry grain to other worlds, or do they carry 'Commissar Yarrick's Combat Bread'? 8) One Guard regiment every 10 years? Or five regiments? You're a bit inconsistent here. And I'm sure there's no need to mention that weapons are tanks are included, no more than helmets and medi-kits 9) Either call it the Castellan sub-sector invasion, or the Cruciatine sector invasion. There is no Massilian subsector or Massilian sector. 10) I humbly suggest that you tone down the events around the fall of Mad Ikel a bit. Every vid-screen in every city on the planet, in every world in the system... Personally, I would rephrase it to say that the clip was broadcasted worldwide and that news were sent to the other worlds in the system. I also think you're underestimating the Inquisition when they didn't react untill they were given word from Kolkhoz and Massil. Inquisitors are found almost everywhere, and eventhough they are few, I'm sure one of them would notice this global broadcast and alert the 'Inquisitorial enclave' sooner than you could break wind. 11) What role did the Adeptus Arbites have in the rebellion against Ikel? Usually, they are the first to fight against a traitor/heretic commander, and will have either won the battle or died bravely long before such elements as the Imperial Guard or Sisters of Battle arrive.
Overall, I like it, but there are some details remaining
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Kolkhoz
Dec 16, 2004 9:06:12 GMT -5
Post by Dazo on Dec 16, 2004 9:06:12 GMT -5
Right, i'll do that. So some kind of glossary then, or did you mean alter the descriptions to include this information. Its a sad day when a man can't have a few drinks after work without being labeled an alchoholic. Still? this is the first time you've said anything about it what is it about it that you don't like, the structure or the sentiment. Yes, processed on kolkhoz, I should have said something about that. 5 regiments every 10 years, thats 50,000 troops by the way. And I included the tank thing as I wanted to give the impression of mechanised regiments, clearly I failed, but are you saying that sort of thing isn't all that important. Right, no problem. yeah, I see what you mean. I don't want them there before the ecclesiastical force arrives though, so what is the solution to that... Not sure, since Ikel wasn't found out until the very end, and he was your classic brutal imperial governor I doubt the arbites would side with the population unless they had seen the broadcast, even then they are your typical imperial bull dogs would they really care if he was a little harsh with the populace, would they support an uprising I don't know. Some opinions on this would be helpful
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Kolkhoz
Dec 16, 2004 9:42:12 GMT -5
Post by CELS on Dec 16, 2004 9:42:12 GMT -5
So some kind of glossary then, or did you mean alter the descriptions to include this information. Both would be great, actually. Which reminds me, I forgot to say that it would be great if you included a glossary, a timeline and a section on important locations (Lejansk, Zohasadar...) , like the last SRs by me and Kage. LoL. Well, I must have misunderstood then, because it sounded like everyone spent all their free time drinking in bars, and that would get you labelled as an alchoholic in my book Still? Hm! I must have forgot to mention it the last time. Sorry! This may come as little surprise to you, but I think it sounds too utopian. "If you are innocent, you will be found innocent". What ever happened to the gothic Imperium where a million innocents were killed each day? Better to let a thousand innocents die than suffer one heretic to live, and all that. I thought each regiment had about 5000 men. But yeah, I know it's a lot. I originally frowned at the low number, but then I realized that this is a world with low population and that Guardsmen are supposed to be elite anyway. It would be interesting to hear a short mention of whether or not they have mechanised regiments, armored companies, rough rider regiments, etc. But standard infantry regiments in the Imperial Guard are based on Russian regiments, I think, so they already come with a small number of tanks and other vehicles. Demolishers, for example, are often assigned to an individual company, I think. However... we don't need to hear whether or not their regiments are equipped with lascannons, Leman Russ vanquishers or carapace armour, I think. Well, that's a pickle... what if the Ecclessiarchy already suspected heresy before they confronted the governor, so Sisters of Battle. Oh, and note that if this event happened before the death of Vandire, the Sisters of Battle could be supported by Ecclessiarchy Frateris Templars. These were disbanded after Vandire was killed. Why would you want templars? Well, it's unlikely that the Ecclessiarchy could assemble more than a hundred Sisters of Battle, and that's not exactly a legion I'm of the opinion that the Arbites would side with the population (or vice versa) as soon as the video clip was broadcasted. Even more likely, the Ecclessiarchy could have contacted the Adeptus Arbites before confronting the governor. After all, they have all reason to believe that the Arbites would side with them and that the Arbites would be extremely interested in finding out if they were right. And you can bet your mother that the Arbites would see the broadcast. I'm pretty sure that they would monitor as much media on the planet as possible. They do have a very Gestapo feel to them.
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Post by Dazo on Jan 6, 2005 4:48:44 GMT -5
If I changed Kolkhoz to a fortress world how much of the SR would have to be altered. Can I have titans, would the starport have to be upgraded along with the tech level?
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Post by Sojourner on Jan 6, 2005 5:49:53 GMT -5
Well, as promised, I've slept on the idea of making Saylonia a fortress world and I think I can work it out. I'm thinking the moons are going to be the lynchpin of the space defence rather than the planet, as there are three of them. I'm working on the idea of being able to land capital ships for servicing. The batteries on the moons would also be able to bombard the surface of the planet.
I'll probably rename it. If everybody is happy with Arcturus then that it will be. I still don't want to make it hugely populous, rather a 'fortified agriworld' whose strategy is based around self-sufficiency. I think against orks, it can happily allow itself to be besieged and wear them down in the assault. It doesn't have much in the way of mineral resources or equipment for them to loot, so they will eventually run out of equipment. If we look at major engagements with Orks, it seems that they gain their strength from overunning human settlements and putting their resources to their own use. If they are denied these resources from the outset the offensive should falter and die, leaving the army stranded to be exterminated at leisure. The open fields covering much of the landmass make any ork presence clearly visible to long range surveillance so regular bombardment is straightforward.
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