Late is the hour in which this conjurer chooses to appear... but better late than never, eh?
- As has been said already, it does not make sense to have a 'warehouse world'. If a planet needs to keep goods stacked off-world, for whatever reason, it seems like a much better idea to keep it in orbit (orbital docks) or on the hiveworld's own satelite moons, rather than on a feudal world several light-years away.
To me, the best alternative is to make this world something of a market. But then, one has to ask why this world would be a significant interstellar market when you have trade hubs such as Meksum close by. I guess it would make sense if you moved the world so that it was quite close to a neighbouring sector, and much closer than Meksum. At least, that's all I can think of. You've chosen a rather special concept for the world, so you should be prepared that it might be difficult to explain it.
- Your world description has too many irrelevant details, in my opinion. The world description is only meant to give a shallow description of the world, and mostly focusing on its physical qualities. Does it have endless fields of grass, huge canyons, acidic snow storms... are its cities compact with tall skyscrapers, or spread across a vast area of land, with small buildings?
History, PDF, Laws, etc, deserve only a very small and superficial mention. We don't need to know the number of Barons and the standard equipment of the PDF in the world description.
I think that my own SRs (Proteus, Nagoma and Tryphon) should have good examples of this, if I remember correctly.
- Angel of Death.... I'm not so thrilled about the name, to be honest
This is a minor detail, of course, but it sounds a bit corny to me. Kind of like The Cannon of Eternal Destruction. Ok, not quite that bad, but 'Angel of Death' is kind of cliché and corny, in my humble opinion.
- The moon is declared perdita? Unless my latin is off, that is the wrong term for it. From my basic knowledge of spanish, I think that 'perdita' means 'lost', and not 'forbidden'. Thus, a planet is declared 'perdita' if it's been contaminated by chaos or suffered great damage from natural disasters (such as Sistina), and must be abandoned. You would not declare the moon and the doomsday weapon 'perdita'.
- Emperor Regent... sounds like a bad title, IMO. I mean, the Emperor is the most revered title in the Imperium. I'm sure Kage will disagree with me (after the whole Anargo Arbites discussion), but I think the title 'Emperor' is reserved for the Emperor of Mankind.
- "PDF equipped with weapons imported from forgeworlds in other subsectors". There is only one other forgeworld in the other subsectors of the Anargo Sector. Proteus in the Archaios subsector.
- A rogue trader did not originally map the sector, I think. It would have been mapped during the Great Crusade.
- On number of space ports... 10 space ports seem fine. Zholud, I think Meksum is unlikely to have as few as two space ports. Maybe two B-class star ports, but remember that star ports differ wildly in qualities. IIRC, Tryphon has something like 10 space ports of varying quality as well.
And though Earth supposedly only had 2 space ports in the Horus Heresy, we can presume that these were the only major space ports, large enough to land the barges of the traitor legions.
- On the Ordo Hereticus... They don't build fortresses everywhere, as long as they need to keep an eye on things. They are probably keeping an eye on all the worlds in the Anargo sector, but that doesn't mean they build fortresses on all the moons. In my opinion, the Inquisition should only have a small handful of fortresses in the entire sector. Most of their installations would be on the Imperial worlds themselves. Huge, black, terrifying buildings which serve to remind everyone of the Inquisition, as described in the Eisenhorn novels. Besides, what's the point in building the fortress on the moons rather than in orbit or on the planet itself (which is sparsely populated and has lots of room for Inquisitorial buildings on uninhabited continents and large islands)
Furthermore, the Ordo Hereticus do not concern themself with maintaining the faith on individual worlds. That is the job of the Ecclessiarchy, and I see no reason why the Ecclessiarchy would not have a strong presence on this world. The Ordo Hereticus is only there to punish the heretics.
- The Anargo sector was not liberated from the Alpha Legion by the Silver Skulls, it was liberated by the Ultramarines only.
- You say that the Angel of Death was captured by 300 handpicked crusaders. What's a crusader?
- Of course this world wasn't on the side of Vandire in the Age of Apostasy. As the rest of the Meksum subsector, they were on the side of Sebastian Thor. That is why they allied with the Sargassos subsector, and were later defeated by the capital Anargo, who DID support Vandire.
- On Technology... you've just written about weapons. What about transport, communication, medicine, etc?
- It would be cooler if the Barons wore bastardised versions of Naval uniforms, and not exact copies with cartel livery, in my humble opinion
- Sociology... this barely touches sociology, it seems. Perhaps you would want to expand on the sociological qualities of the Darien people?
- The Cursed companies... do you mean regiments?
PS: Is there any chance you could just save the map as a .gif, without making it smaller? It's kind of hard to read everything when you start changing the size of the picture...